When the first Bioshock game was being released, the video previews and photos that were on the web, along with the HUGE article in Gameinformer magazine set my mouth to drooling. The graphics, the unique storyline, the whole creepy atmosphere of the game captured my attention. Upon the games release it delivered all these elements masterfully and engrossingly. A standout title, a truly different fps (first person shooter) whose bizarre and David Lynchian (some said Ann Rand) weird setting made this game an instant classic. Rarely has a single title delivered on all fronts, universally praised and many an award given in 2006-7. I even played through twice to see the different endings, something I rarely do. Now, it’s 2010 and the sequel to this groundbreaking masterpiece is released…is it as dope as the first? You’re damn right it is, yes even better in some subtle ways, some not-so-subtle but still an INSANELY tight game.

Welcome back to Rapture my fellow splices, ahhhhh yessss!  First and foremost before I begin the review, I have to say this game is a visual feast, way more colorful, dazzling architecture and the water…fuggedaboutit! I had the misfortune of seeing some early reviews of the game, mostly good to great but Gameinformer mags review seemed surprisingly uptight and misleading. It dogged the game for being “too much of the same thing”, no innovative changes etc. wahhhh, wahhh, wahhh. It almost made me question the purchase of the sequel, stupid on my part. The reviewer was waaaay off base, yes it’s more of the same, SO WHAT! Would any fan of the original would want anything less. The game rocks period.

Here’s the story, it’s 10 years after the first game and the underwater city of Rapture still has a few inhabitants, mostly children who need saving. The way that the aging of Rapture is shown is done well, leaks everywhere (that a few of the legendary ”Big Daddies” are tasked to repair), barnacle growths, more undersea flowers and bio-luminescent sea creatures everywhere. The story this time revolves around a doctor Lamb and her continued experiments with raptures children. Just like her previous boss Andrew Ryan, one of which you are linked to…Oh, did I mention that you are an older version of the “Big Daddy” who are all “linked” to the children they protect. Just the fact you get to be one of the most feared characters in gaming is change enough for me. Well, you are tasked to keep your “little sister” alive so she can stick long needles in dead people to extract their precious “adam”, a gene altering drug that gives you powers. It just so happens that the little sister you protect is Dr. Lambs daughter. Most people in this underwater utopia have become “splicers” mutated drug addicts who kill each other off. There’s Big Daddy fights and the even more terrifying “Big Sisters”, just think a thinner more streamlined big daddy, whose faster, stonger and waaay more agile. There’s also some new and different splicers along with other sick-ass creatures.

New “plasmids” or powers are here as well as the ability to walk around the outside of Rapture The storyline is a lot more cohesive than the first. Hacking has been streamlined so it is not as annoying as the first…no plumbing here. A slow start leading to a fantastic ending, this games pulls you in like no other (maybe because you are a Big daddy). You are a part of Rapture, not an outsider like the first game. This in my opinion makes the game and it’s morality more engrossing. Fans of the original will love this sequel a DEFINATE contender for game of the year. Great graphics, good single player game length and a hot multi-player mode (yes multiplayer). Another masterpiece in my opinion, 2k does it again. Get this title immediately if you loved the first. Just get it…even if you didn’t play the first game, it’s that hot. A definite 9,loved it.

Rating: (9/10)

Smite All Cornballs
Sir M.

“It’s not about infringement, it’s about EA completely butchering an amazing piece of literature.” Really? This is why Dante’s Inferno is such a travesty? EA has somehow managed to destroy the legacy of a 700 year old master work…get tha f@!*& outta here! The sad thing is there are people out there actually spouting that crap. Look, Dante’s Inferno is a blatant rip of God of War…but who cares. We’ve known this ever since the first videos were released, so why are all the fanboys panties in a bunch now? It kind of pisses me off when these quasi intellectuals wax poetic about the dumbest ish ever…sometimes I wish they would get tea bagged by some old cardboard box dwelling vagrant. At least then they would have a reason to look like they just got done sucking a lemon.

Now that I’m done ranting let’s move on to the game. The games setting is based off of the Poem “Inferno” By Dante, I won’t lie and say I’ve vigorously studied  the poem but I do recall reading it in some obscure literature class so I had a general understanding of what it was about, even before learning of the game. I’m sure fans of “Inferno” will moan and groan about the liberties taken with the story but for the most part I think the developers have done a fine job of taking a nearly 700 year old work and translating it into a modern day video game. The graphics and music are solid and the concepts presented throughout Dante’s journey to save his loves (and his own) soul can be quite disturbing.

As far as game play goes much of the game is ripped straight from the pages of God Of War but really, is that such a bad thing. For gamers who only have a 360 this will be their only chance at a God of War experience. Dante has two main weapons he use to fight his way through Hell, the scythe he took from death and a holy cross his love Beatrice gave him. The game moves pretty quickly taking you on a nice 10 hour ride full of hideous creatures and insane combos in a nice twist on the game play you have the option to absolve spirits of their sins freeing them of hells grasp or to punish them…condemning them to an eternity in hell. Depending on how you choose to play can take you up the “good” or “bad” path each of which have their own combos and moves to purchase and upgrade. Seriously though…going on about the game play is silly, if you’ve played God of War you’ll know what to expect (yeah it’s that similar)

Don’t let all the “They copied from Sony” fan boy cries stop you from checking out the game. If you’re a fan of the action genre you’ll like this game…sure there’s not much innovation going on here but how many truly innovative title are there every year? Hell even one of the highest rated games of the year (Bayonetta) took more than a few ques from Devil May Cry. So why should this game suffer harsher review because they took their cues from another title?

I give Dante’s Inferno a 7.5 it’s a good title but in the face of the awesomeness of Bayonetta, the Brilliance of Mass Effect and the appearance of the surprisingly tight Darksiders, Dante’s Inferno can only hope to pull up the rear.

Rating: (7.5/10)

Keep Your Pimp Hand Strong

Pimp Hand

What do you get when you mix Dante, Kratos and Viewtiful Joe…You get Bayonetta! This is hands down one of the greatest action games you will EVER play. Most people will tell you that director Hideki Kamiya bit hard from games like “God of War” or “Devil May Cry” and in many respects they would be right but this game is better.

Bayonetta moves with a level of grace and sexuality Kratos could never attain (without becoming the first gay action game star) the dodge mechanic is sooo well executed that it makes the dodge in “God of War” feel antiquated and gauche. I know “God of War 3″ is dropping soon but damn…they might need to push it back a couple months to step up Kratos’s dodge game or he’s gonna be playing second fiddle to the sexy gun slingin’ witch.

When most people think about style in an action game “Devil May Cry” is the setter…until now. Bayonetta shits all over Dante. When Dante can slow motion windmill (break dance) with 4 guns at the same time, stop in the middle of the fight, pose, then take a picture, he can challenge Bayonetta but until then he’s like an old MCM sweat suit…amusing to remember but something you’d never be caught dead in now.

Now let me take a minute from jocking this awesome game and give you some details…although it’s irrelevant, at this point, you really should be running to buy the game now. The story is basic enough, upholding the balance between good and evil…whatever….who cares about story in an action game. It’s there to push you forward into more action and it serves its purpose well enough.

As far as enemies go you are fighting against angelic minions working overtime to finish off the “last” of the Umbra Witches. The creatures you fight vary in size and shape from small spherical flying baby heads, to human sized bird people with wings, to the more massive, giant muscle bound baby monsters…and finally the HUGE building sized monsters who make up the majority of boss battles.

With all the crazy monsters in the game you need a way to dispatch them…right? Well I want whatever it was they were smoking when they came up with their attacks and weapons for Bayonetta. You can carry a total of 4 weapons at a time, one in each hand and two on your feet. Weapons range from guns, swords, ice skates, whips and a whole host of other off the wall stuff. Additionally you can take the weapons from felled enemies for even more brutal attacks for a limited time). Bayonetta can also “torture” her enemies by filling up her magic meter. doing this will unlock a whole bunch of cans of whop ass on whatever monster is in your way…iron maidens, guillotine’s, giant spiked wheels and chain saws are all at your disposal when unleashing torture moves. On top of all this Bayonetta sports a deeeep move list that changes with whatever weapons she is carrying, it might sound daunting but most weapons have combos and moves that carry over, so you won’t be completely lost when switching weapons.

With all the shit going on in the game you would think it gets confusing…but it rarely does. The action is handled so well that you’re never confused on where you or your enemies are at. Much of the controlled chaos in the game can be attributed to the “Witch Time Effect”. You pull this move off by timing when you dodge an attack…do it right and you instantly go into a state where you are moving so fast everything else around you moves in slow motion. It only lasts for a few seconds but since you can do it at will (no powering up any gauges) it becomes one of the most important techniques in the game.

Everything isn’t all peaches and cream though. There are a couple of blemishes to this otherwise awesome game. What the hell is up with the cut scenes? The developers budget must have been spent entirely on refining the gameplay because there is no production value in the majority of cut scenes. Most of the cut scenes are present in the semi-static film strip style where the characters are still with the camera moving around to give some sense of motion. There not all like that but enough of them are to become pretty annoying. They spent so much time making Bayonetta overly sexy she needs to be animated at all times…none of this still frame crap! Also, the story telling is VERY Japanese…that’s not necessarily a bad thing (In my opinion it helps add to the games charm & personality) but some people may get turned off by it.

Aside from those two blemishes this is as close to the perfect action game as any of us will play for a while. Tons of stylish action, awesome weapons and abilities, rock solid gameplay and the coolest female character to ever grace a videogame make Bayonetta a must by for anyone even remotely interested in action games.

If we had an editor’s choice award this game would get it…but hey we aren’t even getting free games yet so stfu lol.

(Oh…so you can’t say I didn’t warn you…the PS3 version is very inferior to the 360. So much so that it would get an 8.5 out of 10 If we were basing our review on that version. If you have the choice get it for the 360)

Rating: (9.5/10)

Keep Your Pimp Hand Strong

PimpHand

THIS is how a sequel should be done. I reeeeally love Ubisoft developed games, period. From The Prince of Persia titles (the first three) to the Splinter Cell series, their titles always seem to be made with great care and with the gamer first in their mind. Assassins Creed is no different. With the release of the second game in this franchise they seemed to have gotten it completely right. First off I’m an action/adventure game junkie and this title feeds my need entirely. From the jaw dropping scenery to the story progression, this game immerses you completely in renaissance Italy. Now what’s a brutha like me care about 1400′s era Italy? Nothing but this title drew me in with the hand-to-hand combat and the SICK fluidity of Ezio Auditore’s “freerunning” and climbing abilities…like the original but better.

The sheer amount of scaling, climbing and jumping has been improved all over. There’s not a building in the game that can’t be climbed…and this game is HUGE in scale. This is a true testament to game design because I’m a Grand Theft Auto-a-holic (San Andreas being my fave) and this game is just as varied in mission selection and locales with a very, very open world…much more than the first

This game is one part history lesson, one part action adventure and all out fun. The story takes place before the previous game and involves Altair’s (protagonist of last game) ancestor Ezio Auditore. Basically a revenge tale at first ,Ezio finds out after the wrongful death of his father and most of his family at with only his mother and sister surviving. Ezio begins his long journey into his father’s secrets and past, tying him directly to the assassins cult, protectors of good and history.

Ezio starts out a somewhat novice to the arts of assassination but he is a very quick learner. The story proceeds to twist and turn until the very satisfying ending so I won’t bore you with more details. The side quests aren’t stupid or tacked on, all serving a purpose to drive the looong story forward. You get a much larger variety of weapons to choose from, most designed by your pal Leonardo DaVinci. Lenny also designed some of the “Q” like gadgets you will utilize form time to time(the glider and double gauntlets are hot). All of this comes together gloriously. The mixing of fact and fiction is great. Game designers can learn a lot from this title.

The action/adventure bar has been raised and rightfully so. Water kills in the first title are gone and game length is at least 16-20 hrs which is plenty(even after 16+ hours of play time I’m left still wanting more). The fighting engine is much tighter and responsive than the original, with a healthy does of blood flow, so be warned.

All in all a definite contender for game of the year in my book, a complete title that delivers on all fronts. The action isn’t constant but it is dope and the lulls are short. Ubisoft has another AWESOME title to add to their impressive library. Thanks for listening to gamer complaints and addressing them. A definite must buy for the holidays. Just enough “wow” factor to keep the franchise alive, from the amazing graphics, rpg elements, open-world vibe and sick-ass action, this game has it all. A 9.5 for sure.

Rating: (9.5/10)

Smite All Cornballs

Sir M