Media MindField

Yup. That’s just what I’m calling this one…seriously, Is someone in Hollywood F-ing with me or what?  The Rock should  be “The Shit” rite now. What the HELL happened?!  First of all, I WASN’T a fan of his when he wrestled. I don’t watch wrestling, I respect the athleticism involved but its stupid…sorry it is. I became a fan when I saw him in other media, SNL, a guest spot here and there; an articulate black man w/some actual character? How did Hollywood let THAT slip by?

Then he came out of the box and made a handful of respectable movies, starting w/that cameo in the Mummy, which led to the “Scorpion King”, which, like it or not, was well done. I say this still not being a fan of the movie…The one that put him on the radar for real in MY book was Peter Berg’s severely underrated “The Rundown”. If you haven’t seen it, it’s the truth, please see it. THAT movie proved he could do a John Woo gun opera, or a blood and guts knuckle-fest.  Adding that pro-wrestling flavor to his knuckle game made the hand to hand in “Rundown” so far off the hook its not even funny….

Then what happened?

He makes “Walking Tall”. NO. I saw it on a plane and found it difficult to sit through; boring, predictable. The action was hokey.  Then “Be Cool”, okay, I get it, show some versatility. Get a credit with Travolta….But NO…that shit was a Poor choice! Now nobody knows where he’s coming from, I distinctly remember the majority of my movie-head friends and I were all pretty confused. I believe the predominant question floating on the wind was something like “Huh?” or “Why is he in that?”, “What the hell is he doing?”, and of course: “Really?”  We were laughing at you Dwayne, not with you.

Then “Doom”; we’re getting back on track, but the movie was mediocre, not terrible, but it didn’t kick ass like it needed 2.  He was poised to pick up the Schwartzenegger mantle! He could be the black Stallone! He’s got action written all over him. But NO! I guess he wanted to go for some “legitimate” acting credits so made “Gridiron Gang”, okay… Not a bad movie, but if you’re going to make a genre pic, its gotta be GREAT. It wasn’t. Does anyone but me and five other people even know he was in “Southland Tales”? And did anyone see it?

Now I was gearing up to tear into The Rock, because I’m sickened by his recent string of saccharin sweet Disney offerings, which I won’t dignify by naming all of here, but I think I get it now… He HAD to do these sh*t films for Disney to guarantee his bankroll.  His agent must’ve told him after that string of crap he’d done, he needed to put some numbers on the board to keep working at an A-list level!  That MUST be it!  Because everybody knows nothing is a guaranteed money maker like a halfway decent kids’ movie, especially one by Disney.

You got us again Hollywood. Is it too conspiratorial to entertain the notion that someone may have done this on purpose? Is it crazy to believe that perhaps we are allowed but one brown-skinned sex symbol in millenium Hollywood?  Will Smith is all we get? I know, I know… be happy with what you got.  But I’m sayin’, we all lose out, because, black or white, The Rock should’ve been the new Arnold. Period.  It could have been the late 80’s all over again. It would’ve been great!  But that’s just too much to ask in an increasingly paranoid, right wing America.  We NEED some good escapist machine gun pumping, mindless action, especially right now. Its a recession for God’s sake! And The Rock was gonna be the perfect vessel to deliver it. Why F with that?!  I’m like a child who’s daddy got sh*tfaced  on Christmas Eve, and passed out under the tree…I was expecting to wake up to the gift of great testosterone filled bloodbaths, full of explosions and witty one liners. But instead I got a handful of dog sh*t, and a half-hearted apology.

What makes it shameful is that ANYONE could do the crap he’s doing at Disney rite now. Seriously. I would have been more inclined to watch The Gameplan” if it had starred a real NFL player in the lead role. It would still have sucked, but at least you’d know why.

We’ve been robbed America; bamboozled, flim-flammed. I’m going to go ahead and speak for you…  Nobody wants to see The Rock recite Shakespeare; what we DO want to see is: The Rock grab a grown man by his throat, and throw him backwards through a plate glass window, which just happens to be on the 30th floor of a high-rise; then follow him down shooting him with a pair of sub machine guns,  and then use them to take out a helicopter full of terrorists, just before swinging back through a lower window on a conveniently hung fire hose (or something). Cliche? Granted. But certainly more entertaining than watching The Rock exploring emotional depth in a “character driven piece”. And for those of you out there saying “Well, you know, I think its good that he’s out there exploring other kinds of roles…”. F@ck You. You’re part of the problem.

Dwayne Johnson owes us at least three back to back action flix, and at least two of them had better be good! Dwayne, stop taking yourself so seriously, nobody else does. Sometimes the obvious choice IS the right one. BE the action superstar everyone wants you to be!  Other WWF guys are clamoring to get what you can walk into: an action DYNASTY!! Don’t waste your gift!! Here’s a freebie: You’re a grizzled FBI agent whose seen “too much action” and is “pushed over the edge” when the movie’s villain murders your beautiful young, rookie partner in cold blood, and here’s your twist: he pins it on YOU.

I know…we’ve seen it before…but this one stars THE ROCK!

There…the demon is purged.

Mentyl – The Evil Genius

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